Saturday, 20 November 2010
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Life Update
An old acquaitance of Joel's from his time at Focus on the Family back when we were in college recently lost his wife. He has two young children, and has been blogging about his experiences and emotions. It's made me realize I haven't done any of that in months.
So many experiences in my life, both good and bad, if I sit down and think about them, seem dreamlike. I wonder...did that really happen?...but then I know they did because of the memories I have, and the emotions associated with them.
I feel blessed beyond measure. Andrew is such an amazing husband. He loves me when I'm not very lovable or kind. He has demonstrated to me again and again what unconditional love looks like. He lives up to the verse in Ephesians that tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. I understand Christ's love so much better because of him. In addition, I feel like God has blessed us materially as well. We both have good jobs. We bought a house we both love. My house in Muncie sold. We've made new friends, found a church, etc. I even found out today I passed the first of four CPA exam sections. It all seems too good sometimes, especially in light of where I was just a year and a half ago.
You know, I felt closer to the Lord in the midst of intense emotion and struggle than I do now, with all going well. It makes me thankful...in a strange way...for what I went through. I came to understand God in a way I never would have had life gone as planned. Not that I want to live life in continuous struggle...hopefully you understand what I mean.
Joel's mom told me today that Joel's gravestone is now in the ground. Again...memories of the day we buried him almost seem like a dream. I sometimes still can't believe he's really gone. The man I married and experienced life with for years is gone. I can never talk to him again on this earth.
Now obviously Andrew has replaced a lot of those roles, but I still lost my best friend. It's amazing how interspersed between times of fun and joy now, certain memories bring up such sadness.
I'm glad I've taken the time to reflect on things. Sometimes, I get so caught up in life, I don't take the time to remember and grieve like I did in the months following Joel's death. Thank you to those who continually take time to love and encourage me. Again, I feel so blessed!
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